Why take a risk?
Personal note
These last two weeks have been filled with many opportunities to meet new people and to share with them the exciting things I am doing.
As I did so, I reflected upon my past, when I was so shy that the patterns on the wallpaper made more impact on a group than I did. Now I circulate confidently, smiling, chatting, finding out about other people, making friends, and yes … actually talking about myself.
All of this didn’t happen by accident: it was part of a calculated plan at self-improvement that I started in 1983, and worked through step-by-step.
Today’s article is about that first step: recognizing that you may stay in a prison of your own making forever if you don’t act. I’ll make it easy for you.
Don’t forget:
On May 19, I am proud to be a presenter at the Minneapolis Heart Institute Foundation’s FREE heart health screening. If you are in or near Minneapolis, please join us for this value-laden event, featuring
- Heart health presentations at 9, 10 and 11 AM
- Stress management (THAT”S ME! – at 10 a.m.)
- Heart-healthy eating
- Exercise for every body - Nordic walking demonstrations
- Healthy living resources and displays
- Prizes and more!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
8 AM – 1 PM
Richfield Community Center – Nicollet and Augsburg Rooms
7000 Nicollet Ave. S
Please join us.
Why take a risk?
Some people take risks more readily than other people. And risks can be a little scary, whether they involve making a major career change and/or cross-country move, asking for a promotion or a raise, declaring your affection to someone else when you’re not sure how that person feels, or when it necessitates speaking up to someone whose behavior has been making you unhappy. Risks come in all sizes and shapes.
The first thing to remember is that it is impossible to avoid risks - life is full of them.
First of all, there are Imposed risks: things that happen to us that we can’t avoid – floods and tornadoes come to mind – with the possibility of leaving you feeling helpless and victimized, as do financial disasters, broken relationships, and any situation you can’t control.
That sense of a loss of control is what makes stress so stressful – in fact it is the key factor in determining whether we view an event as stress or as a challenge.
Then there are Chosen risks: Actions you deliberately take to get something you want or to get away from something you don’t want. With a chosen risk, there is always the possibility of embarrassment, failure and loss.
Why would anyone choose to take a risk when it may be accompanied by lots of anxiety?
It can result in a rich reward and – think of this, you will never know whether you could have gotten what you wanted if you never try. Even if the outcome isn’t exactly what you want, the long term consequence of that risk-taking act can be positive because you become more resilient and able to deal with imposed risks more easily.
Do you feel safer when you don’t take a risk? Research indicates that, at the end of their lives, people don’t worry about what they have done. They worry about what they have not done. As John Greenleaf Whittier said, “For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.”
Here’s a little exercise to get you started:
Think of a risk you would like to take. What is the worst thing that could happen?
This is called the “worst case scenario.” Why would you want to think of that?
Because it is the bogeyman that is keeping you from even thinking deeply about taking the risk. Facing it is necessary if you want to move forward.
On a scale of 0 to 100, what is the probability the worst will happen? Take a minute to think about this. You may find, to your surprise, that the probability isn’t really all that high, but you have been acting as if it is 100%.
If the probability is less than 50% that it will turn out badly, you are in a good position to go ahead. It is probably a lot less than 50%.
Finally, can you handle the feelings, or are you undermining yourself by saying, “it will be soawful if this doesn’t work out?” Will it really, or are you being dramatic?
Risk-taking doesn’t have to be scary or dramatic; it’s a skill, and it can be learned and practiced, just like any other skill you might want to acquire in order to enrich your life.
Next week, we will look at how to set up a risk so it is not so risky at all.
Movement is good for you
Personal note
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of meeting new people at networking events: The Women’s Business Exchange, Magnetic Women Business Networking, The Twin Cities Human Resources Association, Women in Networking, and Women of Words.
In each case, I met energetic, enthusiastic, talented women who are driven to pursue their dreams. As a woman I cheer them on; as a stress expert and an advocate for women and cardiac disease, I continue to pursue my goal to provide them with the best information on the planet as to how to follow their dreams and attain the quality of life they desire.
On May 19, I am proud to be a presenter at the Minneapolis Heart Institute Foundation’s FREE heart health screening. If you are in or near Minneapolis, please join us for this value-laden event, featuring
- Heart health presentations at 9, 10 and 11 AM
- Stress management (THAT”S ME!)
- Heart-healthy eating
- Exercise for every body - Nordic walking demonstrations
- Healthy living resources and displays
- Prizes and more!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
8 AM – 1 PM
Richfield Community Center – Nicollet and Augsburg Rooms
7000 Nicollet Ave. S
Please join us!
Movement is good for you
It’s now official: MOVEMENT IS GOOD FOR YOU.
Oh, wait, you knew that already. And you’re doing it, right?
Well, not right now, but as soon as you have time.
Of course that time never seems to come.
But what if regular sessions of movement actually helped create time in your life by helping you learn faster, and by making you feel more refreshed and vital so that you tackle tasks with zest and get them done quickly? Would that be a more powerful motivator for you? Or at least make you curious enough to try some of the suggestions coming from newer research on movement, such as:
Exercise makes you smarter.
With the increased blood and oxygen flow that comes with exercise, you can improve your learning ability. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control has issued a paper advising more physical activity for students, and where that advice has been followed, students have made dramatic improvements in academic achievement and test scores. There is even evidence of increased creation of new brain cells.
How much exercise? A little jogging in place is great, but even just standing up can improve your brain activity by about 8%. And my elementary school teachers (now deceased) would be horrified to learn that even chewing gum counts as exercise in this context.
That little exercise break you allow yourself can end in a solution to a problem that you have been puzzling over for some time.
Another motivator: Reduce your pain and stiffness.
One of the things that keeps us from exercising when we haven’t done so for a long time is that we know in advance that we will feel stiff and it will hurt. But you don’t have to do dramatic things to overcome that stiffness.
For example, you may raise your eyebrows at the idea that raising them will improve movement and your sense of well-being, but that was the idea at a recent IDEA Personal Trainer Institute in Alexandria, Virginia.
Turns out there is a long band of fascia, the connective tissue that surrounds the muscles, which starts at the bottom of your feet, extends up your legs, behind your back and neck, and ends at the forehead. Like a rubber band, it stretches when you bend over and touch your toes. That is, it should stretch, but injury and overuse can form knots in this tissue so that it doesn’t glide along the muscle, as it should.
Raising your eyebrows or getting a neck or foot massage can help this long band become more flexible. Or you can start at the other end: Take a tennis ball and roll it back and forth under your foot a few seconds. When you stand up and try to touch your toes, you will find it is much easier. Why? Feet are restricted by shoes much of the day, and those little knots that affect that long band of fascia inevitably build up. Your little surreptitious - and cheap – foot therapy can help fix that.
Ankle rotations under your desk, slow side-to-side neck stretches, big overhead arm stretches, all contribute to a sense of release that will help keep you functioning during a busy day.
If you do just a little bit of exercise consistently, you will find that you miss it very much when you can’t do it. You may even find that, now that you have the habit, you want more, and then more.
Hey, it worked that way with chocolate, didn’t it? Just try it.
Rose sniffing
Personal note
Last week I flew to London, Ontario, Canada, to meet with my Master Mind group, and especially, my dynamic coach, Pat Mussieux. I can’t say enough about this group and our coach; when the man at Passport Control on the U.S. side asked, incredulously, “You flew to Canada for 1-1./2 days?” I was challenged to try to explain myself. But I am renewed, recharged, and ready to share the results of that experience with friends and readers.
Rose Sniffing
We had a lovely speaker return to my women’s group last week. She is an expert on women’s health, and once again she provided us with arcane and useful information that we could have gotten nowhere else. She did it with such gentle grace and humor that we felt soothed and refreshed at the end of an intense hour and a half.
At the end of her talk she announced that this was her last talk. She had resigned from her job in order to have time to smell the roses.
How lovely for her. How lousy for us.
We might wonder: must we wait for the end of our careers in order to have time to enjoy life? Is there no other way to savor life deeply?
Here’s a little experiment to try: Select a beautiful object – how about a rose? – to contemplate fully and completely for all of two minutes. Immerse yourself in the experience; notice color, texture, line, fragrance, whatever is relevant to the object you have chosen.
Feeling distracted and fidgety? Take a deep, slow breath and continue to gaze at this object.
Immerse yourself in its timeless beauty. Savor it.
Don’t do this just once and then forget about it.
You might make a small collection of objects that are suitable for relaxed gazing; a kaleidoscope, with its vast array of changing patterns, has always been one of my favorites. Keep your collection handy when you need to pause and remember how to savor life.
What if we incorporated a little rosebud sniffing into our daily life? I thought of this as I rushed from one appointment to another last week. Yes, I was walking rapidly, but at the same time I noticed, and deeply appreciated, the cherry blossoms and the lacy patterns of their shadows on the sidewalk, the almost-neon green of the new grass, and the flash of red as a cardinal darted in and out of the foliage.
Even as you move through your busy daily routine, you can remind yourself to leave no rose unsniffed.
Watch How You Tell Your Story!
Personal note
Watch How You Tell Your Story!
When bad things happen to good people (you), there is an irresistible urge to share the load by talking about it. This can have two good results:
You relieve yourself of some of the pressure by sharing
You may have insights into a problem when talking with someone else.
It feels comforting to rush to friends or loved ones to tell them all the bad things that have been happening to you, but it can backfire. Along the way, you may mentally rehearse everything you’re going to tell them, making sure not to omit any details. It can be calming to see the look of sympathy in the eyes of someone else, and to hear their consoling words.
When you tell your story in all its intensity, you are reliving the event. If it was stressful when it happened, your recounting of the story may bring back the same physical stress. Even your mental rehearsal may do that.
The fact is, an estimated 10% of our stress is due to what happens to us; the other 90% is due to how we think about what happens to us, or how we habitually react to what happens. So for one real stressful event, you may experience the same reaction many times. It’s like getting a lot of bang for your buck, except it’s much less desirable than a buck. Each time you go through your story, you are undermining your physical health and your happiness, too, by putting your body through the same raised heart rate and blood pressure, muscular tension, troubled digestion, and mental confusion.
How can you get the release of telling your troubles to others in a way that is healthy?
First, position yourself as a problem-solver, not a victim
Instead of saying something like, “Why ME?” or “Things like this always happen to me?”, try something like, “This was a real test of my ingenuity.” Or “Once I calmed down, I figured it out.”
Find some humor in the situation – particularly when you’re in the middle of the situation. When my garage door froze shut, I cobbled together all the extension cords in the house, plugged my hair dryer into the end, and trudged out through the snow to warm up the lock. No power! I had to giggle when I realized that I had to go back in and plug the other end of the cords into an outlet in the house, and I giggled even more when I had to make another trip to push the re-set button.
Which brings me to the next point:
The joke’s on you It happens to everyone, at one time or another – stress leaves us feeling so confused that we overlook simple details and make obvious mistakes. I like to say that Stress Makes Us Stupid. It’s not the fickle finger of fate poking us once again; it’s a fairly natural and predictable process – but it can be avoided.
When you find yourself blocked at implementing a simple solution during a stressful period, pause, take a deep breath, and think the whole process through before you make a move. Don’t rush because you want to the stress to end – it’ll just make it worse.
Determine in advance whether you’re asking for advice or help
Be careful who you choose as a listener. Some people just have to jump in and solve your problems. Other people (often, but not always, men), see the disclosure of your feelings as a call for help
Tell your listener what you want. Say, “I’m not asking for help in finding a solution at this time/ I really just need to get this off my chest right now.”
Express gratitude to your listener for listening to you
“Whew, it’s great to have a friend like you. Thanks for listening.”
Make it a two-way street
Needless to say, being a good listener who doesn’t make judgments or give unwanted advice when other people tell their stories is a great way to get reciprocity.
When you tell your story the right way, other people will be willing to listen to you again and again rather than avoiding you
Regarding that frozen week of minor crises that I mentioned at the start; I figured I must have told my story right when the friend I e-mailed wrote back, saying, “That’s the funniest story I’ve heard all day.”
Hassles and the havoc they can create
Personal note
A full week for me, attending the “High Heels, Higher Heights” conference of Women’s Health Leadership TRUST with roughly 800 excited and capable women in the health care industry, then meeting the dedicated small business group at the Woman’s Club of Minneapolis.
In between, I coped with the documents for refinancing my house, starting with finding the packet (with a two-day deadline) under a door mat to a door I never use in my house, to reading arcane documents and then finally recklessly signing them because I hadn’t a dim prayer of understanding being able to see all the fine print, never mind understanding the language in which they were written (Ancient Troglodyte?).
So I took a deep breath and reminded myself that hassles can be more deadly than a major shock. I thought I’d share this information with you.
Hassles and the havoc they can create
In the movies, we have often seen a character receive a shock, clutch his heart, and fall to the ground in a heart attack.
No one thinks life’s daily hassles are dramatic, but in fact they can be just as deadly as a major shock.
Real crises, such as having your house burn down, activate the stress response. So do hassles, those little everyday life events that temporarily frustrate. They also narrow our thinking so that we believe we are in a crisis when, in fact, we are not.
They are much more frequent than real crises, and their effects seem to snowball.
Being stuck at a railroad crossing while a long train goes by, waiting on hold on a telephone only to be cut off, spotting a parking place only to find someone closer has pulled into it, rushing to your desk to do something important only to discover that the computer screen is frozen…the list of hassles is endless.
Dr. Richard Lazarus of the University of California at Berkeley argued in 1984 that such hassles typically cause more human suffering than major life events. They can even create real major life events. For example, whether the stress is “real” or not is irrelevant; our bodies go through the same stress response: heightened blood pressure, increased heart rate, muscular tension, and more. A little more damage accumulates, and our lives get a little shorter.
What can we do to handle hassles? Remember that only 10% of our stress is due to what happens; 90% is due to how we think about what happens.
Yes, hassles do just “happen”; like the hot night I came home late from a trip, the cab driver refused to get out of the cab to lift my luggage from the trunk, my bedraggled cat met me in my house where the air conditioning had clearly gone off earlier in the day, and the mail yielded a second notice for a parking ticket that I hadn’t received in the first place.
Annoying, yes. Life threatening, no.
One of the ways to protect yourself against “hassle havoc” is to set up systems in advance that work well and efficiently, even when life doesn’t. Good systems can save you time, and help you to keep life running smoothly.
For example, set up a map for all your routine errands: the post office, the drug store, the dry cleaner, the office supply store, etc. Use this route regularly. It will help you to remember all the little things you need to do to live well.
Put all the things you need to do something about – jacket to be cleaned, shoes to be repaired, sink stopper to be replaced – in a box near the door or in your car. Keep a small list with you of such things as the numbers for the toner cartridges you use and the odd-shaped bulbs for your odd-shaped light fixture. Even when you dash out in a panic to do one errand, forgetting about your other needs, you can still use your time efficiently.
Prepare more food than you need for a given meal; freeze small portions for those “oh, my gosh” moments.
My routines are what saved me when I returned from my trip filled with all the things I needed to do, only to find I would instead spend part of the day talking to a repairman for the air conditioner and then a city clerk about the ticket.
When your “hassle thermometer” rises, take a deep breath and say “Stop it” to yourself.
Then consider these questions:
Is this frustration worth dying for? (A real possibility for those with a tendency to cardiac disease, but something for everyone to think about.)
And in the long run, what really matters?
Take charge of your stressful assumptions
Personal note
Take charge of your stressful assumptions
It has been said that the bulk of aggression in the world is the result of poor communication. Sometimes the wrong words are chosen; sometimes the wrong words are heard.
In addition to someone producing a communication and another person hearing that communication, there is another layer: the assumptions we make about what we hear. We assume a certain intent, a possible threat, and then we create stories around what that is going to mean to us – in the future.
Someone once compared this process to looking at a door of a house and imagining all the rooms behind that door, their furnishings, and the activities that take place in those rooms. It’s a lovely creative process, but in communication it is misplaced. We not only set in motion stressful processes that undermine our health and age our bodies, but we set in motion actions that can undermine and even destroy relationships.
Why do we do this? It’s a form of self defense: a pre-emptive strike to protect ourselves against the possibility of threat. It not only doesn’t work, but it may make us feel even more threatened than before. Sharon Ellison, expert on non-defensive communication (www.pndc.com/) notes that confidence, competence, and even the ability to learn diminish after responding in a defensive manner.
Here are some steps to take when a communication seems to be causing you stress:
Pause and consider what the threat seems to be: The pause is important because the urgent feeling that stress produces in us often causes us to take action first, and reflect later.
In your pause, consider how you are feeling. Sad? Scared? Angry? Did you feel your attractiveness or your skills were being underrated because the speaker praised someone else, or offered you some advice? Did you then assume that the relationship was going to proceed, or even escalate, into something even more negative?
Ask yourself if this has happened before, and if so, how often? The more often this same thing has happened in your life, the more likely it is that the challenge is within yourself, not in the other person.
Ask questions to clarify: If someone says, “There’s another way to do that,” and you feel a flash of anger at the implied criticism, you could ask, “Are you critical of the way I am doing this?” You may find that the other person is surprised at the impact of what seemed, to the speaker, to be an informative remark. You can now have a more open discussion about what’s really going on.
Reflect: Ask yourself, “Is this episode worth my attention?” “Is the person or activity important enough to me that I am going to spend time worrying or worse yet, avoiding a situation I might otherwise have enjoyed?”
Communicate/Negotiate: It takes a certain amount of courage to say, “When you said … , I felt…. (sad, angry, depressed, etc).” The other person may be genuinely startled at this revelation, having intended something else entirely.
Ask for the change you would like: “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t criticize me in front of other people. Perhaps you could take me aside and tell me your concerns.”
Take action: Inaction is sometimes appropriate: you decide no action is necessary because it’s not worth the battle or it isn’t high on your list of priorities.
But if the situation is important enough to you, suggest two outcomes: “If you continue to criticize me in front of others, I don’t want to work with you any more. But if you handle it the way I suggested, I would enjoy continuing to work with you.”
Notice that “take action” is the last step. It’s that old problem: the urgency of the stress response. We feel something must be done right now or else … or else what?
We go off and feel less confident, less competent, and even a little stupid? How is this a win?
Instead of creating and furnishing mental “houses” filled with potential strife, save your creative abilities for activities that bring genuine value to your life and to the world.
Is anybody listening?
Personal note
During the past two weeks I have been involved with setting up not one but several projects, each of them involving a small group of people. Communications between us have flown back and forth; revisions have had to be made, misunderstandings corrected, and I have been left sometimes with the feeling of one who is herding cats.
It is a reminder of how fragile communication is, and how important it is to strive to be absolutely clear in order to save stress and time. But what do we mean by “clear communication?” That’s the essence of today’s article, a small peek into a topic I call “People Literacy” : learning to read different kinds of behavioral styles in order to operate more effectively in personal and professional life.
Is anybody listening?
One common stressor is the feeling that we are trying to get others to understand our needs and our points of view, but somehow, no matter how hard we try, the message isn’t getting through.
The solution to this stress? Try to understand the needs of your listener; then shape your communication to meet those needs.
In an old sitcom, Archie Bunker stated: “Edith, do you know why we can’t communicate? Because I’m talking in English, and you’re listening in DINGBAT!”
Archie Bunker had a point: a major frustration in life is the realization that we are not being heard. His explanation was also typical: it must be your fault if you don’t understand me.
A good rule to remember is that everyone is tuned into Station WII:FM: What’s in it for me? Each of us filters information beamed towards us in terms the kinds of information we want and need, and the possible threat that may be posed for us. The ability to analyze the communication styles of others allows you to plan your communications so that they will be received and understood.
Here is a brief rundown on four different normal types of people, and what they need to hear in order to pay attention to a communication.
The DOMINANT, take-charge type, likes challenges and speedy movement towards a well-defined goal. Dominant types are better speakers than listeners. Such people give new meaning to the terms “brief” and “concise.”
A phone call from a Dominant is likely to consist of a quick message: “I can’t meet you at I p.m. It’ll have to be at 1:45.” And belatedly, “This is Don. How are you?” The speaker may then hang up without waiting for an answer.
A communication to a dominant person should move quickly to the bottom line: what is the proposed plan, what is his or her involvement? Avoid at all costs the following: a long introduction to the topic (trigger impatience and lack of attention in this listener), entertaining anecdotes (arouse suspicion – “Why are you trying to con me”), and detailed presentations of data on the pros and cons (“You should have thought this out on your own time and come to me with a brief, clear proposal”).
ENTHUSIASTIC OPTIMISTS are animated, optimistic, and very sociable people. Charming and entertaining others is a major goal of this very likable type. They make charismatic leaders, teachers, preachers, and super salespeople.
Major threats to this type include the possibility of personal rejection, or a negative reaction to one of their proposals. The result? Enthusiastic Optimists, when squelched, have an out-of-body experience. In their imaginations, they travel to another, pleasanter planet where your voice is not being heard.
When your Enthusiastically Optimistic listener’s eyes glaze over, it is a distinct possibility you are not being heard.
Take time, if possible, to listen, socialize and empathize with the feelings of the Enthusiastic Optimist. You will save time in the long run. Present negative information as if it is one of an array of possibilities.
HARMONIOUS TEAMWORKERS are even-tempered, loyal friends and co-workers. In their conversations, they often use the word “we” where others might use “I”: ‘We went to a movie last night,” “‘We didn’t like that restaurant.”
People who reflect this style tend to speak in pleasant, well-modulated voices, and expect others to do the same. They are made very uncomfortable by forceful tones and language, as used by the Dominant types, or the rising and falling inflections and volume of the Enthusiastic Optimist, interpreting such vocal changes as being threatening.
Harmonious Teamworkers tend to avoidanything unpleasant, and will consequently avoid listening to overly forceful communication.
CAREFUL INDEPENDENTS are detail-oriented, conscientious types who prefer to work alone, and indeed need a certain amount of solitude in order to be comfortable.
Communications beamed towards Careful Independents should be worded cautiously, with respect for detail. Avoid emotion-laden phrases and attempts at persuasion; simply present the facts to which you wish them to pay attention.
Don’t necessarily expect an immediate reply or reaction to your communication. Listeners might be compared to cameras: some zoom in on a specific topic, while others use a wide-angle lens to take in many details simultaneously. The Dominants and Enthusiastic Optimists zoom in on topics which are important to them, react quickly and make decisions accordingly. Harmonious Teamworkers and Careful Independents survey the entire situation, often contemplating several points of view simultaneously. This type of information processing demands time for reflection before reaction. Pressing them for a response too quickly will result in irritation and resistance to any suggestion being presented by the speaker.
Of course, communication style can vary by situation; people often don’t use the same style at home and at work, for example, and level of stress can play a factor also. Plus, don’t forget that there is a strong relationship between power, communication, income level, and status in the community. However, studying these four listening styles will greatly enhance the power of your communications, and increase the possibility of actually being heard!
Stress and Your Health
In my last article, I talked about “stress stupidity” and how it causes us to make mistakes and lose time. It actually does more than that:
A recently released Yale University study, published online the week of January 9, 2012, in the journal Biological Psychiatry, shows that stress causes the brain to shrink because the stress hormones eat away at brain tissue, literally making holes in your brain.
One highly-stressful episode, such as our remote ancestors suffered when they ran from ravenous beasts, doesn’t necessarily produce the “holes in the brain” phenomenon. Instead, it’s the steady daily diet of stress with which many people live in the 21st century that causes the problem.
This steady onslaught of stress, which may be low-level but persistent, is similar to drops of water dripping onto stone: a slow wearing down.
Lack of focus, concentration problems, inability to set priorities, and difficulty in making decisions are more behavioral signs that signal the presence of “stress stupidity.” The very qualities that we need in order to be successful in life are impaired; you may come to believe that there is no way out of your stressful life.
Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman describes this psychological state as “learned helplessness”; the inability to find the “way out” of your dilemmas. Not only do your problem-solving skills suffer, but so does your motivation.
The dogs in his initial experiment, who were given shocks that they could not escape, and were then put in a box where there was an escape route, failed to see the escape route, even when shown! They simply lay down and absorbed repeated shocks.
“Learned helplessness” has been identified as a psychological pattern associated with many of the most severe illnesses. It does not start as a result of the illness; it is in place years before the illness develops.
Here are some ways to avoid developing learned helplessness.
Take frequent mini-breaks during the day during which you take a deep breath and ask yourself, “In the long run, what really matters here?”
When you make mistakes, learn to laugh at yourself instead of getting more stressed. Use the phrase “Stress makes you stupid.”
And when you feel blocked, say to yourself, “There is a solution. I just can’t see it right now.”
Then take a break, take a walk, talk to a friend, spend a few minutes planning to do something special for yourself later on. Because a brain is a terrible thing to lose.
Highly-educated, highly-intelligent people can do incredibly stupid things…
Personal Note
It’s time for Spring cleaning – mental and physical. Clearing desks and files feels good and motivates you to get back to work, especially after being closed up indoors for the winter. Best of all, clearing surfaces allows your creativity to spring forward – that same creativity that seems to disappear sometimes under stress.
Stress makes you stupid!
Stress can make even intelligent people screw up, look slightly crazy, and even undermine their health and well-being.
It’s true: even highly-educated, highly-intelligent people can do incredibly stupid things under stress. Take the woman, who upon finding that her house was on fire, grabbed what she believed to be two important objects before she rushed out- of- doors. They were an old issue of Time magazine and one slipper.
I myself have loads of empirical evidence to support this statement. And so have you. Have you ever rushed to get to the post office before it closed, only to discover the important package was still on your desk?
Here are some of the ways “stress stupidity” is expressed:
Losing things: How many times have you had to search for everyday objects such as keys, shoes, or your car in a parking lot?
What was happening just before you “lost” them? Your attention was probably fixed on the goal you were pursuing, rather than what you were doing when you put those items down.
Solution: Stop leaping ahead into the mental future and learn to pay attention to what you are doing when you are making transitions: leaving the house or office, parking, or going to the market. Pause and make a mental note of where you are going and what you will need when you get there or what you need to leave behind. When arriving at home or work, don’t immediately rush to solve a problem – children’s quarrels, a broken down appliance, etc.- before paying attention to where you are putting things (unless, of course, the house is on fire.).
Forgetting things you know perfectly well: While working with a marketing expert who was being paid by the hour, I had great difficulty getting the spacing right on a computer document we were designing together. Finally, I struck myself on the side of the head and said, “Stupid me. Hold down “control” while pressing the “enter” key.” This is an action I perform many times every day but had forgotten because I was hurried.
Solution: Time to take a break and take a breath. Do a stretching exercise. You will actually save time in the long run if you do so.
Brushing aside important information as a kind of “overload” that you can’t handle right now. For example, you may resolutely decide not to learn or implement a process that would make a job easier because you are too stressed and hurried to take the time to learn it. So you continue in your old, less effective but familiar way.
Solution: Take a break, take a breath, and find someone capable of helping you learn the new task, or just do it for you. Ask for help from people you know, being careful to select people who do not raise your stress level by displaying scorn for your “stupidity”. With the communication possibilities on the internet today, you can find someone easily who understands or can do what you cannot.
Brushing aside suggestions from other people, because you are too busy and harried to listen. You may even hear helpful suggestions as criticism, and feel more stressed.
Solutions: Take a deep breath, and just say “thank you.” That momentary pause may help you evaluate quickly whether the suggestion will save you time and stress.
Stress can make you temporarily stupid, until you come to your senses and regain your sense of humor and sanity.
So, stay in present time, alert to people, objects and action around you. Breathe deeply often, particularly when starting or finishing a task, or coming or going.
And above all, keep your sense of humor. Smile slightly as you remind yourself, “Stress makes you stupid!”
Women’s Warning Signs of a Heart Attack
Personal note
February is National Heart Month, and I have been more than ordinarily busy giving my talk, “The Angina Monologue,” in which I describe women’s heart attacks and give preventive advice. Seeing all the “red” clothing and decorations, hearing of all the “Wear Red” events is exciting – except that cardiac disease occurs all year long, not just in February.
In fact, cardiac disease is the #1 killer of both men and women in the United States; but while the rates for men are declining, the rates for women, particularly in the age 35-54 age group, are rising.
We are surrounded by information about cardiac disease in newspapers, magazines, on the radio and on television, yet most people remain surprisingly ignorant about some of the simple facts of cardiac disease. So I am once again providing a fuller description of the symptoms, as experienced by real people I have known, including myself.
Women’s Warning Signs of a Heart Attack
The “Hollywood Heart Attack,” where the character, clutching his chest, slumps to the floor immediately, does sometimes happen. But many heart attacks do not mimic this model. In particular, women’s symptoms of heart attack may be very different from men’s in both quality and severity.
It can be too easy to brush these more subtle symptoms aside; as one woman in my cardiac support group said, “Compared to childbirth, this is nothing!” But of course, they are something. And the sooner you pay attention and get help, the better the outcome.
Because I paid attention to a small signal, and took action immediately, I have almost no heart damage and was able to return to a full life immediately.
So I’m going to provide some descriptions here that might give women a clearer picture of what to look for.
Chest discomfort:
Men typically experience crushing chest pain and pain radiating down one arm. Some women do also, but many women do not. I only experienced one second of pressure in the middle of my chest, accompanied by a complete lack of breath – once again for one second only. Luckily, I paid attention.
Another woman I know reports that she felt as if her chest were on fire.
Any pressure, squeezing or burning in the center of the chest that lasts for more than a few minutes or comes and goes is a warning sign.
Upper body discomfort in one or both arms, back, neck, jaw or stomach:
One woman I knew had pain in her jaw; another was awakened in the middle of the night by very painful elbows, which she fortunately recognized as being related to her heart. Others tell of pain in the neck, the shoulder or across the shoulder blades.
At a talk I gave recently, a woman told me of a pain in her jaw. She had been checked for both a dental problem and a tempero-mandibular joint problem, but no evidence of either had been found. Should she see a cardiologist, she asked? I almost shouted, “Yes!”
Any pain in the upper body that can’t be explained should be suspect and you should take action. See a cardiologist; if the pain is marked or persistent, dial 9-1-1 and go to the ER.
Shortness of breath, with or without chest discomfort:
Once again, when there is no rational explanation, such as allergy problems or just having run up a flight of stairs, you should be suspicious of shortness of breath.
Dizziness, lightheadedness or fainting, nausea and vomiting, cold sweats:
I began to experience nausea and lightheadedness a few days after my experience with pressure (I had already seen a doctor, who found nothing wrong with me). It could have been a virus, but I had no temperature. Taking your temperature is a good idea before you decide it is a virus and dismiss the idea of a heart attack.
After I got to the hospital, I began to experience severe gastric distress, a little like the commercials for acid reflux disease, with figurative nuts and bolts revolving around in my stomach! A doctor asked me, in fact, if I did have acid reflex disease, and when I said no, it was another factor on which they decided to do angioplasty (go in and see if there was blockage).
I know of a young woman athlete who began to faint after she finished races. She, in fact, had an undiagnosed congenital defect of a heart valve for which she needed surgery.
So, once again, if there isn’t a good explanation for the symptom, seek help.
Feelings of anxiety, fatigue or weakness — unexplained or on exertion:
I have met at least one woman heart patient who tells of being overwhelmed by inexplicable anxiety as her major symptom. Once again, there was no precipitating event in her life, so it was a very suspicious episode.
The extreme fatigue that a heart attack sufferer experiences is like having a hole in your “fuel tank” from which all the energy has drained out. One woman I know told me that she was so tired she lay down on her bed, and, feeling cold, wanted to pull the covers up but she couldn’t because it was too much effort. That was when she realized she needed to get to a hospital.
Take Action
There is an e-mail that keeps circulating on the internet, with advice about heart attacks. Some of it is good advice: carry an aspirin and take it immediately if you believe you are having a heart attack. In fact, crunch down on it and wash it down with a full glass of water.
But this e-mail always ends with dangerous advice: “Call and friend or relative and wait by the door,” presumably to have that person take you to the hospital.
This is the message health care providers want you to hear: Do not drive yourself or ask a friend or family member to drive you.
If you have any of the above symptoms, dial 9-1-1. If you are having a heart attack, emergency responders can start treatment in the ambulance. This can be crucial.
Women, who are often reluctant to have a fuss made about themselves, will dial 9-1-1 in a minute if a loved one is threatened, but will not do so for themselves.
Those few minutes in which you wait for help can make all the difference in the world between life and death, or between a quality life and an impaired life. One of the possible consequences of heart attack is loss of oxygen to the brain, causing irreversible damage. You could survive, but only as someone very dependent on others.
The last message I like to leave women with is this: strive to live the heart-healthy life, and you will feel better than you have in years. Would you like to wake up every morning eager to start the day, with the kind of zest you had as a child? You can do it! The women in my support group, cardiac survivors all, glow with health.
The path to heart health is the path to joy. And who doesn’t want joy?
